The Happy Sad Day....

For those who don't know, my mom passed away of Cancer on November 12, 2000.  We only knew of her diagnosis for three short days. After her death I was devastated.  My mom was my best friend.  I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself and my grief.  I saw a Pug on tv and thought they were the cutest dog I ever saw.  They looked HAPPY.  I told my husband I wanted a Pug.  He loved big dogs and said no.  I continued to beg.  For MONTHS and MONTHS.  He went with me to a local Pug Halloween party in October of 2002.  He could not believe how wonderful Pugs were in person and said we could look into getting a Pug.  At that time we didn't know anything about Pug rescue.  Barely anyone we knew had a Pug, so we started researching breeders.  Everyone I called had no puppies and if they did had a waiting list.  I finally connected with a breeder who said her Pug was due at Thanksgiving.  She told me to call after Christmas.  When I called her son answered and told me that the Pugs were all spoken for.  They had been born earlier than expected....November 12th.   I couldn't believe the date!  When I spoke to the breeder she told me there was a waiting list, I explained about my mom's death and my extreme sadness...and the date.  She moved me to the top of the list.  On January 3rd I got a call....she had a puppy for me.  The next day we drove out and got our girl.  I am not sure how to feel about the day/date/sadness right now.  14 years have passed since my mom's death.  The edges of those wounds have softened.  We spent the last 11 years celebrating a happy occasion of Chloe's birthday and now that little spark of happiness is gone.  No one can take all these years of memories from us, but our hearts have a hole, the edges are rough.  I know time will help soften those edges, but the sorrow never goes completely away.  We have to hang on to the happiness, the joy, the love, to help us get thru.  

missing never ends....